Desperate Families (Pt. 1): “What About Me?” - Commitment

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Isaiah 58:12 (NKJV) - “Those from among you shall build the old waste places; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; and you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of 7Streets to Dwell In.” (MES) - “You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, and make the community livable again.”

Families around the world are in trouble. Everywhere I travel, it’s the same story.  Families in America are in trouble in a time when we have more books, more Dr. Phil’s, Dr. Laura’s, and Oprah’s than any generation before us.  Families are in trouble in the church, with all the TV programs, seminars, preaching on the family, and state-of-the-art youth and children’s facilities and programs.

What does it all mean? Is there any hope for the family? The word that we are using to describe the family in this series is “Desperate” (in despair, in great need, very serious, or dangerous; desperation is the state of being desperate, almost reckless).

Dr. Tim LaHaye, author of the blockbuster bestselling series, “Left Behind,” says, “The family is fast becoming the target of humanism; the amoral, atheistic philosophy that pervades our whole culture. In order to protect your home, you need to know what influences saturate your daily life with values that are contrary to your own and to God’s Word.  And you need to know what to do about them! A startling number of veteran Christians are choosing divorce as a solution to marital difficulties instead of facing them as sign of spiritual problems that, with God’s help, could be resolved.”

Dr. Pat Fagan says, “Social science data continues to demonstrate overwhelmingly that the intact married family that worships weekly is the greatest generator of human goods and social benefits and is the core strength of the United States. Children in this group are five times less likely to repeat a grade, less likely to have behavior problems at home and school, and are more likely to be cooperative and understanding of others’ feelings. Parents of these children report less stress, healthier parent-child relationships, and fewer concerns about their children’s achievements.”

We are in a battle for the family and, from all outward appearances, it looks like we are losing. That’s why we’re preaching this series for the next six weeks.  Our text expresses our confidence that comes from the Lord, Isaiah 58:12 (MES) - “You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past.  You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.”

I’m an optimist when it comes to saving marriages and families, because I’m keeping my focus on building strong marriages and families.  I’m an optimist because I was raised in a strong family and live in one.  I’m an optimist because I believe “God is the God of all flesh, and there is nothing too hard for Him.”  With God, there are no impossibilities!

Be careful not to be confused by some of the Myths that are floating around in reaction to the desperation in families:
Myth #1: Never discuss divorce with children in strong families — you will upset them.
Truth: Teach your children about the real world and the dangers that others are facing so they can grow up to help rebuild marriages and families.

Myth #2: Avoid mentioning the blessing of strong families to those from broken homes, as you will only further wound and hurt them.
Truth: They must see and hear how they can rebuild their own future around principles that save marriages and families.

Myth #3: The church shouldn’t keep mentioning “traditional family values” or it will offend the growing number of blended or single parent families in our society.
Truth: We must minister to all kinds of new family structures, but always uphold God’s ideal, Biblical family, and raise up Godly generations!

Now, let’s get down to business. Do YOU want a better marriage and stronger family?  Let’s take a six-week journey through tested and tried solutions to the “desperation” families face today. Let’s see if we can solve some of these problems with solid answers.  This is the passion of our ministry at Gateway.

Dr. Lyle Schaller speaks about “The Four PLACES” that once existed in American life: Home, Neighborhood, School, and Church.  Of these four, only the church looks like it can still help “Desperate Families” survive.
We are going to try to answer six key questions that bring desperation and defeat to many families.  The first is “What about me?” and we’ll look at the whole issue of COMMITMENT:  “to give trust or charge; to consign for safe-keeping.”

There is no place where commitment is more needed than in marriage and family. Without it, parents and children become self-centered, and focused on self, not others.

Paul gives us some good advice about living in harmony in Phil. 2:3-4 - “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” That’s “commitment” — “to consign for safe keeping, to trust.”

Just look around you and see what can happen in a marriage when one or both of the mates put self above their commitment or safekeeping of others. Desperation is the result.

What does “Commitment” involve?

• Interrelationship between parent and child.
• Identification of children with their parents and family.
• Interaction with adults for a child to grow to maturity.
• Physical, emotional, and spiritual contact needing time. “Time is like oxygen - minimal amount needed to survive, less than that amount can cause permanent damage to body, heart, brain.”

Dr. Edward Hoffman (Psychologist-NYC) “Our society — especially our schools, colleges, corporations, medical schools, and hospitals — all seem to view the family as a necessary evil” (rather than an ally)

What can we do to develop and build generational commitment in marriages and families in a society antagonist to Christ?

1. Begin early to prepare our children for Christian marriage and family life.
Malachi warns against “unfaithfulness to the wife of our youth.”  God assumed their teaching started young.  At Gateway, we are doing it, if you get you children to the “table” to hear. Get your children involved in Children’s and Student Ministry so we can assist you in the training process that every child must have.

Dr. Hoffman says, “It is never too young to start fostering healthy attitudes about marriage and commitment to family long before mid-adolescence”  Lubavitcher Sect of Orthodox Judaism trains girls by seven, boys by 12.

It is incredibly important that as Christ-followers, we model loving, successful marriages and families to our children and others.  Children must sense that successful marriages and families know how to get past the rough “potholes” in daily life.

Grandparents play a big role in modeling success, because their generation enjoyed it.  Vangie and I noted that at my 50-Year Jamaica High School Reunion…  the average couple around our table was married over 45 years. That was our generation.  Look at what’s happening today!

Studies show that “the learning process for children occurs continuously, even without verbal instruction by parents.” Remember the old saying, “Actions speak louder than words!” We will conduct another Institute in Basic Life Principles this summer to help you build Godly principles into your family life. Call for information now.

2. Keep the marriage covenant and “teach your children well.”
Mal. 2:13 (MES) -  “You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. ‘I hate divorce,’ says the God of Israel. ‘I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.’ So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat.”

When researching the reasons for failure in marriage and family, you get to the root of the problem — lack of commitment to others and focus on self! In an article by Josh Hunt, he chronicles the “Anatomy of an Affair” and identifies “selfishness” as the root cause of most extra-marital affairs.

3. Strengthen your relationship to Jesus and renew your commitment to Him, His Church, His Word, His life in you!
Let the Holy Spirit begin the process of repentance, salvation, and Spirit-led living in your life, marriage, family, and let it begin now.  God promises, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.”  “Seek first the Kingdom & His righteousness & all the other things (a blessed family) will be added.”

Both successful couples and those who have had failed marriages can help us “raise up the foundations of many generations” — “You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew… You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild & renovate, make the community livable again.”

Desperate families need rebuilders like you and me to help them find hope in despair, light in the dark, and Jesus! Malachi 3:6 gives a prophetic promise that I am standing on today, “But also look ahead: I’m sending Elijah the prophet to clear the way for the Big Day of God—the decisive Judgment Day! He will convince parents to look after their children and children to look up to their parents….”

The Holy Spirit is ready and willing to assist with help for Desperate Families!

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