Desperate Families (Pt. 4) - “What Now?” - Crisis Solving

Sunday, June 5, 2009

James 1:2-8 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. 

I am standing on a promise God gave me many years ago, that my life and Gateway would “raise of the foundations of many generations” of new Christ-followers.  The majority of people who become part of the Gateway family are first generation Christians, or the first in their families to be born-again believers.

Can there be any doubt that societal foundations of our Nation, the structures, institutions of our society, have been crumbling for decades.  The most strategic, and yet tragic of these institutions is marriage and family, the first God created in the Garden, before government or church.

L. Casler, a researcher, has noted that, “One of the most important tasks of the humanist are to restructure relationships in the basic unit of society - the family.  He observed that, if he family is restructured, it would then be possible to over-haul all other social institutions and restructure them according to humanistic ideology.”  

Remember, the Humanism Manifesto declares that “all thought begins with humans, not God; nature not deity.” is man and man’s way.  The heart of Christianity is God, and to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul, your neighbor as yourself.”   That’s God’s way.

If I understand the problem correctly, I see the current culture war against traditional marriage at the heart of this battle for the family.  Either we will win this one, or we may lose the battle to save society, as we now know it. (Remember, in the end, God wins the War.  I know, because I read the last chapter of the Book, Revelation and Jesus Shall Reign!)

Only the renewal and reviving of the biblical, traditional family, which we have had for over 6,000 years, can stop the spiraling downward slide of our Nation.  That’s why this series is so important.  We must lift marriages and families from desperation to delight and success.  

“What now?” That is the question that addresses the issue of problem solving in marriages, families, professions, and even in our church ministry and relationships. 

Crisis solving has to be one of the most remarkable skills a family or church can ever develop.  It is a skill that doesn’t come naturally but must be learned and practiced over and over again.   

Crises come in all shapes and sizes, and at the most inopportune times.  Think of the situations that bring on a crisis:

• Dismemberment - death, hospitalization, called to military service, divorce or separation.
• Accession - unwanted pregnancy, adoption of child, addition of a new family member through remarriage, step-dads & moms.
• Demoralization - infidelity, alcoholism, drug abuse, delinquency of a child, non-support by former spouse.
• Status shift - loss of job or position, long unemployment, sudden wealth or fame, weather storms, political changes.

Any one or combination of these traumatic events in a life or family often brings devastating crises.  If a family is weak in handling these situations, it often reveals a breakdown in interpersonal relationships; cultural diversity, confusion of roles or unfulfilled expectations. 

For the record, most families don’t know how to handle crises, but strong families do.  What makes the difference?  Here is some advice.

1- Realistically Determine the Size & Significance of the Crisis:

We can and must learn how to live with some stressful situations, and that some are not paramount to our stability and happiness. Measure it.

Have you even seen a family that is constantly in crisis? Then are those that never seem to be in crisis.  Be assured they both face them, but one is overwhelmed and one is under-whelmed.

I am not minimizing real problems when they come, but many can be solved with minimum of time and effort. We need to learn the difference.   Let me put it this way, “Don’t run when you should walk.”  but  “Don’t walk when you must run.”

Every problem doesn’t have to be solved today, but some can’t wait until tomorrow.  Here is where the wisdom James speaks about is so important, James 1- (MES)“So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.”

2- Develop and Use an Adequate Support System.  At one time, in a galaxy far away, the community, the school and the church, provided more than enough support for the average marriage and family.  But today, these systems often are not used or fail in the midst of a crisis. Worst than anything, they are treated as irrelevant.

Listen, I say it is time to “use the old rubble of past lives to build anew rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.”  (Isa. 58:12)

There may be times when professional counseling is needed in helping resolve marriage and family problems, but resources can be developed right in your home that can be passed onto others facing the same crises.  The great thing about that is that the children see how you parents handle crisis and can use it for the next generation.

Let me quote from a book, ”Family Builders” - ”Strong families have the ability to deal with crises, bad situations and stress in a positive way. Whenever a crisis hits, they unite to deal with the crisis together as a family.  They help each other. They form a support system for each other.  They develop coping skills that see something positive in the crisis, being flexible, and getting help from friends and professionals, drawing on spiritual and communication strengths. They see the positive in the worst situations.”

In most cases, the answer to your problem is right under your nose. Make your marriage and family a learning center so it can be a resource center for your children and others facing those problems.

Isaiah 68:5-6  ”A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;

We are working hard to provide a comprehensive network of support for our growing church family. Yes, we will continue to have pastoral care and counseling ministry, but our hope for “raising up generations of believers” is our development of Small Groups, hosted by people who are trained and experienced in caring for 10-15 people.  It is a great support system.

“What now?” What’s your support system when you face a crisis?  

3- Anticipate and Prevent Future Crises. 

It’s amazing how often the same people face the same crisis over and over, and never seem to learn how to handle it the next time it comes….and it will.  Don’t waster your problems.  Learn from history, past and present.

Every so often, go over the past failures and weaknesses you have identified in your family history. It will amaze or frighten you. Learn to anticipate those weaknesses and tendencies before the crisis comes into your life or children. (Alcoholism, sexual impurity, materialism)  Some of these things are learned, some inherited.  Also go over the strengths to combat the weaknesses.

Listen to James 1 again, (MES) “You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way.

I know that many of you are facing some kind of crisis in your life, marriage, family, and business right now.  These principles will apply to any and every kind of crisis that comes our way.  God wants to help us, but we have to help ourselves.  

I hope I have given you some ideas of how you can answer the question, “What now?” the next time you have to do some crisis solving.  Just remember that God is able, and more than willing to help you. “If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help.” 

Like the old chorus says so well, “My Lord knows the way through the wilderness, all I have to do is follow!”

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