Desperate Families (Pt. 6): “Why Bother?” - Church
The way some people think and act regarding church, you could ask the question we want to answer today,“Why bother? What’s the big deal? Why bother with church at all?”
An increasing number of Americans, especially younger ones, have come to the conclusion that they can be spiritual without the church. Ask them about their relationship to God & they affirm Him. But ask them about going to church regularly, or joining a church & you get this, “Why bother?”
I want to give you some reasons to think about your answer to the question, “Why bother?” Consider with me some of the studies that have been done that might change your opinion if you are still “on the fence” about the importance of regular church attendance and membership.
Today in America only 25-40% of Americans attend church, and that amount is getting less. While 82% of Americans list “good family life” as their number one wish, obviously few see the connection between their families regularly attending a good church, as help in reaching that goal.
When investigating the practices of successful families in USA, Germany, Austria, South America and South Africa, they discovered that “Their philosophy of life or religion was a major resource; they had a high degree of religious orientation. Most belonged to an organized church. These families considered themselves highly committed to spiritual values.”
What these studies revealed about Evangelical churches like Gateway was particularly revealing:
-89% of Evangelical Clergy and Christians, believe divorce should be avoided at all times, except in rare circumstances. Contrast that with 40% of non-evangelicals and 57% clergy.
-75% of Evangelicals attend church weekly, compared to 26%.
In other words, the high value of saving a marriage is directly related to church attendance and involvement in a Bible-believing, Evangelical church.
These kinds of studies have been done since 1939. In his book, “Functioning Families” Dr. B. Schlesinger, shows that “Strong support by Judeo-Christian religious precepts in a family included the abilities to:
1) Be committed to each other.
2) Show respect for each other.
3) Emotionally support each other.
4) Enjoy each other.
5) Communicate effectively with each other.
6) Create a well-defined power structure that is flexible, and “has the father as the most frequent leader”.
7) Deal with crises effectively in a positive manner.
Listen, that list supports all we have said in this series. When spouses from long lasting & happy marriages were asked, “What would be your prescription for a happy marriage?” Wives ranked the “importance of religion” as the highest factor! The general public marked it 6th! Where do YOU rank it?
Listen to this study relating church to health issues: “Using an index or religiousness that included church attendance and importance in a family, “The less religious had mortality levels twice that of those more religious. Both married and religious people were found to have significantly lower death rates than non-married & non-religious. Those who had mental illness less frequently were associated with a church & attended regularly”
No wonder the Paul connected the Christ & the Church to husbands, wives and marriage. Ephesians 5:25-27 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.” (MES) “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her,”
Ladies, to all you can to get your husbands to church every week. It will make a difference in your marriage & family. Men, your family needs you! Rise up, love and lead them as Christ does the church.
How true are the words of I Sam. 2:30 -“Therefore the Lord God of Israel declares, ‘I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father should walk before Me forever’ for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed.”
Let me conclude this series on a high note of hope. These studies showed the results related to a high commitment to spiritual values. Look at them:
1) These families saw God as the “source of strength” for individuals, as well as the family as a whole.
In what, or in who are you trusting today as your source of strength, wisdom, hopes for success in your family?
2) They felt God has a purpose in their lives and families.
Do you and your family sense God’s special purpose for each member and the family as a whole? Do you all know your gifts and abilities? Are you developing them in your home and church?
3) They had an awareness of God in “day to day” living.
Do you recognize God’s hand at work in “everything” that happens in your life, marriage, family, ministry, job, school?
4) Their faith was “personal, practical, day to day,” rather than theoretical and hypocritical. What is your faith like?
Here is the bottom line to success in everything, including family and marriage. It’s the difference between churchianity and Christianity; religion and reality; a phony or a true Christ- follower.
It’s the “18-inch difference” in your life and mine, or can be! What is in our minds about God must get into our hearts. That’s what happens when we are “born-again” by the Holy Spirit. A new life begins from the “inside out.”
When you know and live for God, He’s on your side when Satan tries to attack and destroy your family & marriage. Remember Job, (1:5-10), “Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless & upright man, fearing God & turning away from evil. Then Satan answered the Lord, “Does Job fear God for nothing? “Have You not made a hedge about him & his house & all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, & his possessions have increased.”
That’s what I want, “Delight”, not “Desperation!” Do you?
Dr. Richard Larner wisely said, “The family you come from isn’t as important as the family you’re going to have.” Take your stand today with Joshua, “Choose this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”
MAKE THE CHOICE TODAY! Avoid ever becoming a “Desperate Family!”
Desperate Families (Pt. 5): “What Do I Celebrate?”
Sunday, June 13, 2009
Nehemiah 8:9-12 (501) - “Then Nehemiah, who was the governor, and Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, ‘This day is holy to the Lord your God; do not mourn or weep.’ For all the people were weeping when they heard the words of the law. Then he said to them, ‘Go, eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.’ So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, ‘Be still, for the day is holy; do not be grieved.’ All the people went away to eat, to drink, to send portions and to celebrate a great festival, because they understood the words which had been made known to them.”
God’s people are the kind of people who can get happy and stay happy! God’s people are “party people,” not “party poopers.” I think we have received a bad rep’ by the world, trying to put us in a corner of negative, “right-wing fundamentalists” who are against more than we are for. Well, I say “forgetaboutit!” That’s not us!
As a Christ-follower, we have a lot to celebrate. Perhaps the greatest thing is marriage and family. After all, God put it all together in the Garden, and gave us a book to guide us to the fullness of joy as we participate in both.
Paul told the Philippines (4:4) “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! (MES) “Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him!”
Martin Luther said, “The Devil is a chronic grumbler, the Christian should be a living Doxology!” Some people bring happiness everywhere they go….others when they go!
I like Nehemiah’s attitude in our text (8:10) - “Go home and prepare a feast, holiday food and drink; and share it with those who don’t have anything: This day is holy to God. Don’t feel bad. The joy of God is your strength!”
That’s what I want for us today….to go home and celebrate. But do we know how to celebrate marriage and family? That’s an interesting question, and the answer may not be as clear as we think. With the failure of so many marriages and families, it is good to look at the question, “What Do I Celebrate?”
Listen to the results of a study done on family strengths in US, South America, South Africa, Switzerland, Austria & Germany. The families were traditional (mom and dad with kids) single parent, blended, white, black, ethnic, etc. Here was one of the great discoveries: “These families eat, work, and PLAY together, go places together, and do lots of activities together. A common thread was simply doing things that are ENJOYABLE!”
Who can forget Toula trying to explain to her Anglo-Saxon boy friend how Greek’s celebrate with family in the hysterical film, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.”? It made us all laugh, but showed us some real life family life with all its tradition and celebration.
Studies have shown that most people’s fondest memories of enjoyable family time together are typically the simple, uncomplicated, inexpensive activities. How about YOU? My experience driving back & forth to church, are some of my fondest memories as a child. Dad made it fun.
Our children (sometimes wives or husbands) are longing for special time with each other. That’s why I started a “Family Night” in our home when the kids were growing up. I personally go a lot of help from IBLP, and other resources available to families.
Let’s look at some suggestions we can share about how to spend enjoyable times together with spouse and family, in a period of Recession? Forget you bank account or job for now!
1- GIVE UP THE “RAT RACE!” - Perhaps the greatest obstacle to celebration and great times with the spouse or family is TIME. The average father in America spends 37 seconds a day in direct contact with each young child. Mothers try to compensate and 70% end up wishing they didn’t have children. Sad, sad, sad!
Our culture will push us to the brink to achieve more money, education, status, a bigger home, better car, more, and more! But nothing pays back bigger dividends that a strong marriage and family.
A Gallup Poll revealed that 82% of Americans say that a “good family life” is extremely important (above all else). If that is true, why don’t we spend more time working on it?
The Evangelical Church in America has to share in some of the blame for programming “seven days a week” so we can keep our people happy with Bible studies, ministry, prayer meetings, retreats, seminars — all legitimate endeavors — but when do we have time for our spouses and families?
That’s why Gateway has gone to the Simple Church model, focusing on just four ministries…Worship, Children, Youth, and Small Groups. We’re quitting the “church race” and want to give you time for your family, friends, relatives. We want out people to have time for family.
Please don’t forget your unsaved relatives, friends, neighbors who need you to reach out to them before they reach out to Jesus!
2- RESET YOUR PRIORITIES. God first, spouse second, children third, everything else in line.
Listen, even before your marriage or family is your GOD! Matt. 6:33 - “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (MES) Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”
Col. 1:17- (NLT) “He existed before anything else, and he holds all creation together. Christ is also the head of the church which is his body. He is the beginning, supreme over all who rise from the dead.* So he is first in everything. For God in all his fullness was pleased to live in Christ,”
No, you don’t plan family times on Sunday during church time. No, you don’t plan to take the kids out on Friday when there’s a youth meeting. Get it? Set the example for your children by honoring God in church attendance, ministry, and financial support for the work of the Lord.
How about doing ministry together as a husband and wife, or with you family? That’s time together and ministry for the Lord. Teach a children’s small group, help in the youth ministry, or start a Community Group in your home to reach you friends and neighbors.
Right after God, it’s not your job, but your family. You can get another job, but the wife and family are for a life time (or should be). In order to enjoy celebrating, “get a life” in order.
3- PLAN YOUR FAMILY TIMES TOGETHER. Studies show that family fun and activities just don’t happen without planning and determination to do it. “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!”
Give everyone in the family an opportunity to plan and design activities, parties, and special events. Plan you vacations. Make sure you have the time and money to “get away” for even a modest, but enjoyable vacation. Do things locally if money is tight.
When we did our family nights, we made sure everyone in the family designed them. Each one had their opportunity to plan a night.
4- MAKE IT FUN. This can involve work or play. Did you know that work together could be fun? I can remember my brothers and I restoring old cars, really believing it was fun. It kept us out of trouble as young teenagers being raised in Queens, NYC. We all enjoyed it, and it brought us closer to each other as we worked together.
Listen, if the only time children have fun is with their friends, is there any wonder their “peers” have more influence on them then their parents and family?
Kids, you’d be surprised at what “clowns” your fathers were in high school or college. Just look at their old yearbooks!
5- MAKE IT GROUP & INDIVIDUALLY ORIENTED. Most activities should be group-oriented for the entire family. But there should be times devoted to each child individually.
Maybe you can make it a special occasion. Tim does a special night out with each of girls as they reach that special time in life when they become young women. As my granddaughters were growing up, I had birthday dates with each girl. Spend some quality time regularly with each child.
6- KEEP YOUR WEEKLY “DATE.” Studies show, sadly, that children may distract from a healthy marriage. Why? Couples stop dating. Never mind the expense, it’s a lot cheaper than a divorce! (Breakfast, lunch, two-for-one dinner, show)
The children need to see you modeling the importance of parents spending quality time together, alone. (Hugging, kissing, caring)
7- CREATE FAMILY TRADITIONS. Be creative. Get ideas from others. Let them evolve from years of doing things together. Build memories!
Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries are important, but make them special events, filled with traditions and unique features. Get the kids in on developing them through the years.
Spending time together, learning to celebrate as a family, is one of the main characteristics of a healthy family. Desperation sets in when a spouse or child says, “I never see my Dad, or Mom, brother, or sister.” That’s a prescription for disaster.
Let me go back to my text in closing. Nehemiah zero’s in on the source of real celebration and joy. But the basis of that joy comes the same way it did for Judah:
- They discovered God’s Word for their live (Vs.1-5). Do you?
- They understood God’s Will for their lives (Vs. 2,8). Do you?
- They spent time worshipping God. (Vs. 6). Do you?
When they did these things, they ended up with a PARTY, a Celebration, and so will YOU and your family! Neh. 8:10 - “Go home and prepare a feast, holiday food and drink; and share it with those who don’t have anything: This day is holy to God. Don’t feel bad. The joy of God is your strength!”
By the way, don’t forget to invite Jesus to your parties. He loves to celebrate with His people.
